12.08.08
Learning to say, no!
I’m back…that was a longer hiatus than I’d intended. It started with a one-week posting stint on another writers blog I participate in on a rotating basis (everydaybloggers.blogspot.com). Then I got swamped with a new article editing project and two transcription projects and I’ve only just now come up for breath.
This has led me to today’s post about learning to say, no.
When I decided to work from home, one of my goals was to spend more time doing housewifey type things, because with my busy work and commute schedule nothing was getting done. Well, my commute time has been filled in with freelancing and my working hours are about the same as when I was working full-time and freelancing part-time. And, my house is still in the same state.
It’s not a good thing for me to be stressed and having to juggle freelance life – job hunting, the pressures of being responsible for bringing in my own work, finding work, writing and editing for that work – with the unpredictable schedule of a relative newborn (he’s nearly 4 months old now, so not really newborn any more) is a challenge. I normally just try to go with the flow, but when bills are piling up and the bank account seems to be sinking lower and lower, I find I have no choice but to still spend nearly 12 hours a day in front of the computer working.
Is that a legacy I want to pass on to my newborn who faithfully sits beside me day in and day out watching me work. Do I want him to get the idea that mommy only ever sits in front of the computer all day and so that’s what he should do? No.
I want him to learn how to manage time successfully so that things get done and are kept on top of, and that there will always be time for him…not just me waiting for him to go to sleep so I can concentrate, without interruption, on the next project.
So, mommy-hood and writing career are still battling with each other.
I guess this will be my New Year’s resolution. I answered one pollster’s question about what I wanted to do in the New Year and I said, I wanted more free time. I have a gazillion books sitting behind me waiting to be read. I have four books of my own sitting there waiting to be finished and a whole host of others waiting to be written. I have a new baby who will be walking and talking before I know it. I have a 12-year-old who is growing into a young man and future high school student. Perhaps this is the work-at-home version of supermom…but I’m quickly realizing that whether I work outside the home or from within the home, there still needs to be balance.
Here’s to finding that balance in 2009.
Susan B said,
December 8, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Man, can I relate to what you’re experiencing (except that I have two older kids, no little ones)! I hope we can both find the balance we need for 2009.
Blessings.
Tracie said,
December 8, 2008 at 11:50 pm
I’m all for balance! Even when the kids are grown and in college, there are still many demands on our time, and we need to learn to find that balance. I believe God, a God of order (as you’ve discovered in Genesis) is also a God of balance and that’s what He wants for our lives. Can I tell you how to do it? No, only that it’s something we strive for. At the Christian school I often told the kids in chapel that if we see God first, everything else will fall into place. Even if seeking Him is 5-10 min. in the morning – He will honor that. Or bringing to mind what you already know that applies to something during the day. That’s what Philippians (my own “life’s work” project) is all about.
P.S.Gifford said,
December 9, 2008 at 12:37 am
Best of luck finding that balance!
Paul
Bettyann Schmidt said,
December 9, 2008 at 5:39 am
Darlene, I’ve been in your shoes, and sometimes still. I once read an old quote that was credited as an old Hindu saying, I think. “To go faster, row slowly.” I’ve remembered those words for about 30 years and sometimes in the heat of things, they come back to me. When I remember and do it, everything seems to get done, and I always get the most important thing done, like spending time with my child and just glorifying and soaking in the miracle of him. And don’t necessarily think that your child will not learn positive things from watching you work. Bettya
Administrator said,
December 9, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement. This is why I love being in the on-line communities I’m in. There are so many of us going through the same things and some of us that have found that balance and can help others try to find it
“row slowly” indeed! Must remember that one. And, good point, Tracie, about seeking Him first. Need to remember that as well.
Kimberley Payne said,
December 9, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Reading your blog made me feel like I was experiencing deja-vu! Been there, done that. Actually still doing that.
Thanks for sharing!
Kimberley Payne
http://www.kimberleypayne.com
Dori Fritzinger said,
December 11, 2008 at 1:24 am
Darlene,
I think what makes us so creative is also what makes us at risk of not knowing how to understand that even for us – Moms, writers,freelancers,Grand Mas, women, wives – there are still only 24 hours in each day – no amount of effort on our part will change that – though God knows we try to.
So when you figure it all out – lets us all know ok – until then try – I said try to plan each day as you would if you went to the office – and learn how to close the office door and go home.
I am still trying to get that part under conrol.
Dori
aka Professor Sprout
http://doriswanderings.wordpress.com
Jeff said,
December 11, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I can identify with this struggle for balance. My wife has encouraged me to get back into writing, but we also love to spend time together. It can indeed be challenging to find that balance, since our need for privacy and time together don’t always coincide. Just another example of how a successful marriage requires give and take.
Yvonne Eve Walus / Eve Summers said,
December 11, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Hi Darlene
Been there, done that.
With my first baby (she’s now 6 years old), I took 4 months off work (all work: day job, writing, household chores). I spent my time breastfeeding while reading or listening to music or snoozing. It was pure bliss but it was hell to go back to work when my maternity leave was finished.
With baby number two, two years later, I chose to quit my day job and survive on my husband’s income supplemented by my occasional freelancing. In theory, it meant spending at least a year at home with the newborn and his toddler sister. In practice, I would put the 6-week old into a front pouch carrier and switch on the TV for the toddler, while I worked on the computer. The guilt was aweful.
Even today, I feel bad whenever I say no to board games or playing in the garden “Because Mummy has to cook dinner” or “Because Mummy has a deadline”. So I end up working till 3A.M. and sleeping 4 hours every 24.
Here is to more balance in 2009! Oh, and of course all you wonderful readers can help by buying my books, LOL. Remember, books make the best gifts!
mywords said,
December 12, 2008 at 3:05 am
It does doesn’t it, Jeff! Sounds like we have very similar schedules.
Thank you for sharing!
Dar
mywords said,
December 12, 2008 at 3:09 am
Thank you for sharing your story, Yvonne. That’s precisely how I feel, too. On the one hand I’m glad to be (hopefully) teaching them about work ethic and setting a work schedule, but on the other hand it’s so important to teach them about what it means to run a successful household – no dustbunnies taking over, dishes away, meals ready, laundry done – at least, I’m of the generation that had this definition of successful household.
From a biblical perspective I’m in awe of the Proverbs 31 woman and I refer to those words often to encourage myself to keep going. It is possible if I let God round everything out!
Thanks again, Yvonne. I like writing about things that seem to be what many of us are feeling.
Dar.
mywords said,
December 12, 2008 at 3:11 am
Thank you, Dori, for your thoughts on the 24 hours.
Someone once told me that God has given us precisely the amount of time we need in a day to get done what HE wants us to get done.
I keep reminding myself of that when I say, there aren’t enough hours in a day. Yes, there are. Just as many as God wanted. Can you imagine if he created 36-hour days, for example. How long a day would we need before we were happy. It’s like having a bigger house – there are just more rooms to get filled up.
Dar